JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES: ARMAGEDDON – AND AFTER THAT – WHAT?

Translated from the original by Chris Tsilikas

How Jehovah’s Witnesses imagine Armageddon 

If a person who is not aware of the Society of Jehovah’s Witnesses “Watchtower” happens to open one of their leaflets, he/she will certainly be amazed by the way the Society deals with all spiritual issues. Because he/she will find out that they deal with them in a materialistic, garrulous way. Even God is not exempted from such attitude. For instance the Society takes all the anthropocentric expressions of the Holy Writ – that is, expressions that have human beings as their centre – literally, and as a result they are led to incredibly wrong, extraordinary conclusions which a lot of times reach the levels of comic...

That’s why, on the one hand, god is sometimes presented by the “Watchtower” as a simple creature with some supernatural powers, and on the other hand, his almighty is withdrawn and he is presented as a powerless creature that cannot give immediate solutions to human problems, and needs time to solve them.

All chapters of the publications and of the leaflets of the Society of Jehovah’s Witnesses are fraught with such descriptions which refer to the war of Armageddon or Harmagedon. A war every Jehovah’s Witness anywhere in the world lives and breathes for, since he/she is convinced by the Society that it is then that justice will be rendered, with the annihilation of the evil people, meaning the people who are not Jehovah’s Witnesses, and the survival of the good people, that is Jehovah’s Witnesses only.

Before we get to explaining what Armageddon is, we have to warn our benevolent readers that what they are going to read about will not only sound incredible, but they will also get to the levels of comic. However, this is not our fault.  We just publish everything we managed to ‘fish’ from the leaflets of the “Watchtower”.

Anyway, this is what happens to anyone who doesn’t walk in life along with God’s Spirit and deals with everything in such a garrulous and materialistic way.

WHAT ARMAGEDDON IS AND WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN DURING IT

The word Armageddon derives from the Hebrew expression “Har-magedon” and it literally means the mountain of Megido. It is referred to in John’s Apocalypse, chapter 16, verse 16, “And he gathered them together into a place called in the Hebrew tongue Armageddon”.

Megiddo was a city of ancient Israel and it was the place where decisive and bloody fights took place. This is why this expression is metaphorically used to represent the fight between good and evil during the Day of Judgement.

Jehovah’s Witnesses however take this fight literally. They believe that canons, tanks, aircrafts, etc. will be used against Christ by the nations which according to the Society of the Witnesses are evil!

Yes, that’s right! We’re not pulling your leg! Remember we have warned you. Of course, even the “Watchtower” itself understands the implausibility and the ridicule of the whole situation they describe, so they try to calm things down by saying that due to the fact that human weapons cannot reach and hit Christ in Heaven, they will be turned against his followers down here on Earth, that is, Jehovah’s Witnesses.

But there’s a point where they do not even try to calm things down at all, but they speak literally, and this is about the way the attackers will be dealt with by Christ.  The ridicule of the description in the “Watchtower” is more than enough: “Their tongues will rot out!... they will be blind!... sinewy warriors will lose their strength!... the electric systems of the high tech weapons will go bad and miss their targets!!!”

You wonder where you can read these entirely ridiculous things. Do we have to give an answer to that? In the official magazine of the Society, the “Watchtower”, of course. You can find all these mentioned above in the “Watchtower” of October 15^th, 1975, pp. 637 and 638:

 “Of course, the nations cannot reach up to heaven and attack this city, but they can attack those on earth who represent it.

Either their tongues will rot out, physically, or they will fail just as though they had no tongues. Powers of vision will suddenly go black! Muscles and sinews of highly trained, physically developed warriors will lose strength and movableness as they stand on their feet. Their arsenal of weapons, including computerized missile guidance systems, will go bad.”

The “Watchtower” of October 15^th, 1975, pp 637 & 638, The nations will attack Christ and their tongues will be rot out and high tech weapons will miss their targets!

And the freak of the war of Armageddon never ends. Wherever we, the non-Jehovah’s Witnesses want to hide, we’re for ever lost. Neither the mountains nor the caves, not even private submarines can save us! Jehovah will search every nook and cranny and he will find us – the “watchtower” has managed to turn him into a hound – to give us, according to the “Watchtower” what we desreve.

HE WILL SLAUGHTER US TO MAKE OUR BLOOD OOZE!

And what was our crime? We didn’t become Jehovah’s Witnesses! ‘Enjoy’ all the above in the “Watchtower” of November 1^st, 1967, pp 659-660.

“If, as it were, they should go into the mountainous region of Bashan and onto its high peaks, from there the inescapable Jehovah God will bring them down and back to punishment. If, even in atomic-powered submarines, they should try to hide themselves in the depths of the sea, the unavoidable Jehovah God will bring them back. To what? To face slaughter, that their lifeblood might be poured out.”

The “Watchtower” of November 1^st, 1967, pp 659-660, Christ will find us even if we hide in submarines in order to slaughter us!

And listen to the contradiction now. While we will be suffering all these by Jehovah, the God of love: having become prey for wolves and wolverines after so much blood we will have lost, Jehovah’s Witnesses will survive in safe places, content not only because they were saved but also because of our slaughter! And such cruelty comes from people who are supposed to love us! And the cruelty becomes even bigger if one thinks that among the people who will be slaughtered, there will be parents, children, brothers and sisters, spouses, and other close relatives who were not lucky enough to be Jehovah’s Witnesses. Well, they should have been careful! Anyway, the “Watchtower” does not ask too much from its followers. Only to distribute its magazines “The Watchtower” and “Awake” and once you do this you will find salvation in Armageddon!

Well, up to now, you may have wondered how “The Watchtower” knows when exactly Armageddon will break out and moreover how it is possible for them to find the time to warn all Jehovah’s Witnesses that Armageddon is imminent. But as you can guess we have no answer. They will probably have cable or digital communication directly with God. Anyway, they must know better.

Due to the fact that the leaflets and magazines of the “Watchtower” are fraught with photographs depicting happy Jehovah’s Witnesses surviving Armageddon, we decided to present the one that is published more often. It’s from the “Watchtower” of February 15^th, 2001, p 16:

The “Watchtower” of February 15th, 2001, p 16, Happy Jehovah’s Witnesses, survivors of Armageddon!

AFTER ARMAGEDDON

So, let’s say that Armageddon is over. Have all our problems finished? Not, at all. It’s now that they start. And the first and biggest problem is that of the corpses. As we all know every war has its victims. Especially during such a war which covers the whole Earth. So, there will be billions of dead bodies. What is going to happen? Jehovah’s Witnesses who have survived are not enough to bury them all. So, they run the risk of disease spread. An immediate solution must be found. And it is found indeed. You wonder what it is; but, ‘Deus ex machina’, of course. 

 

According to the “Watchtower” of June 1^st, 1973, pp 345-346, God will use…highly scientific means he has at his disposal, to clean the earth from the corpses! And we thought we had heard it all! But we had never heard of a Scientist God before.

“But the animals could never dispose of all those slain at Har–Magedon. Hence, the Almighty God will doubtless use some highly scientific means at his disposal to get rid of the surplus of the decaying bodies in a speedy and sanitary way.”

The “Watchtower” of June 1^st, 1973, pp 345-346, God will clean the earth from the dead corpses using…scientific means!

The next problem is the resurrection of the dead. Because according to the Holy Writ all the dead people from past years and centuries are going to resurrect. Therefore, there will be a problem of overpopulation on Earth since they need to stay somewhere as the “Watchtower” supports. How is this problem going to be solved? Don’t worry! The “Watchtower” who has a phone link directly with Jehovah has found the solution to that. The dead people will resurrect with…a priority number! Yes, that’s right. We’re not kidding. According to the “Watchtower” of April 15^th, 1973, p 246, they won’t resurrect on a twenty-four-hour day, but gradually. Wait for your turn! You’ll all take Resurrection! There’s no need to urge and shove your way through the queue!

¹⁶ “Bear this fact in mind: “Hell” will not disgorge all its dead at one time, on one twenty-four-hour day, thus producing a bewildering population explosion for the relatively few God-fearing survivors of the universal war of Har–Magedon. “

The “Watchtower” of April 15^th, 1973, p 246, The dead people will resurrect gradually!

Yet, there is a point where the “Watchtower” disappoints Jehovah’s Witnesses. And this point is the issue of marriage. Unfortunately, the “Watchtower” of October 15^th, 1967, p 638, points out that Jehovah’s Witnesses won’t be able to marry their old spouses again. But, due to fact that as we have said a lot of Jehovah’s Witnesses protested, the “Watchtower” let hopes arouse that something may be done since Jehovah is great and he is aware of the needs of his loyal servants. You see, they don’t want to lose their delivery boys because otherwise who is going to deliver the magazines “Watchtower” and “Awake” without being paid?

“Many faithful servants of God who look forward to living forever on earth and whose mates have died would like to have support for their hope that they could be reunited as husband and wife in the resurrection. While not being callous to their sincere feelings, we must admit that apparently Jesus’ words apply to the earthly resurrection, and they indicate that those resurrected will not marry or be reunited in a marriage relationship with former mates. “

The “Watchtower” of October 15^th, 1967, p 638, Resurrected Jehovah’s Witnesses won’t be able to get married to their old spouses again!

And now we get to more trivial problems to which, unfortunately, not even the “Watchtower” has the answers. Probably their phone link is out of order, who knows! Or they might have all the answers but they have thought that they should deliberately keep a few things as a secret so that there is a hint of suspense. Well, what do you think?

Of course, to be honest, the “Watchtower” says that they don’t have the answers because there is nothing written about these trivial problems in the Holy Writ. But the fact that Jehovah will clean all the dead bodies using scientific means is written in the Holy Writ, indeed. Where exactly is this written? In their imagination, of course, where else?

Let’s discuss now these trivial issues which will bother the survivors Jehovah’s Witnesses and the resurrected dead after Armageddon. First and foremost, we have to clarify that according to the “Watchtower” there will be total destruction and wilderness during Armageddon and no human creation will remain still on Earth. You won’t be able to communicate, because there will not be any telephones, there won’t be any airplanes and cars to move around, no…electrical appliances such as cookers and washing machines, no new clothes, no…hammers or…nails to build houses, nothing will be there as we know it today.

How can all these problems be solved? It’s very likely that Jehovah will use his scientific powers again and give a solution to these unsolved problems.

And as a last problem we have left something that will unfortunately disappoint the wine lovers all over the world. Unfortunately, after Armageddon there won’t be any spirits for consumption. So, hurry up! Drink as much as you can now, before Armageddon breaks out! And after that, you will stay sober for ever, with no alcohol at all. Not even a beer for the hot summer days.

⁸  “True, the prospect of a genuinely new order excites wonderment and many questions easily come to mind. For example, some ask, ‘In that new order, who will supply all the services the present worldly systems have been providing? If all the present systems end in the coming “great tribulation,” how will the survivors communicate with one another around the earth? With mail, telephone, telegraph and radio systems gone, how could there be any unified direction of activities, as by an earthly governing body serving under the heavenly kingdom?

 ⁹ Still others wonder about transportation methods then, whether there will be automobiles, airplanes or other such powered means of travel. Among feminine questioners there may be more concern as to whether such conveniences as electric stoves, electric washing machines and similar devices will be available. And, for that matter, what about really fundamental things, such as clothing? When the clothing or shoes one is wearing at the time of survival wear out, where will new ones come from? Or if one wants to build, where will one obtain such things as hammer, nails, saw and other equipment now supplied by the systems of this present order?

      ¹¹   as a possible survivor into the New Order. The absence of an alcoholic beverage industry would not prevent this“

The “Watchtower” of June 15^th, 1973, pp 361 & 367, No planes, no electrical appliances, no nails and hammers, no spirits after Armageddon!!

And a piece of advice for our beloved Jehovah’s Witnesses: To play it safe, hide a bottle of beer somewhere, just for the difficult hot days awaiting you after Armageddon!

Writer Christos Pal