Translated from the
original by Costas Balomenos
What
kind of prologue you can do for someone, which she
confesses the “depths” of his soul? What kind of prologue you can do for someone, who “fell in love much”? What kind of prologue you can do for someone, who does
not care whether it shall use in her speech “as should” expressions, so as not
to be misinterpreted by several Pharisees and hypocrites of the society? What
kind of prologue can you do - you, a petty bourgeois conservative teacher of
religious - for someone who does not hesitate to admit that “I never cared for
crumpling as a man, because always I was listening to my heart in matters of
love”. Just, clam up and leave
the other to narrate you the pain and the unjust, which drowns her...
Postscript: At the
end of the article there are explanations for some
expressions of Elpida, because Elpida uses
the phraseology of Jehovah's
Witnesses, which is unknown to
the general public.
-------------------
Note: The Greek word
Elpida, in English is translated as Hope.
Follows the “deposit
soul” of Elpida
I
|
am Greek, from Chania of Crete and my name is Elpida. In 2007 I went to fix
up my shoes in a central store of Chania, where were repairing shoes and there
I met a man, named Tassos. Initially, I went to the store twice and
the third time I went
back, I asked him if he has into account a home to rent, because then I was looking for house. In the conversation, he told me that lingered in a
nice area of Chania and I told him to have his mind, if he finds something
good to tell me. Besides,
for
this
reason
he asked me my phone. After a week
he called me to give me some phone numbers of
some houses that he had been found. I thanked him and
the discussion stayed there, but after two days
he asked me officially to get out for lunch. I accepted and somewhat so began
our history. Then, when I met him, he was gone from the Society (the last 10 years), namely he was about 28 years old, while I was two years older than him. From the age of 18
years was lacking from the Society, when in the course of our relationship, he
told me what he had done in his life all these years and I understood how much
psychological pressure was accepting even into his house, where he was continuing
to live with his parents.
We stayed together for two years, during of which we did
everything is making a normal couple within a relationship, i.e. excursions,
companionships, amusement, everything. Tassos started to open to me after a year, we were together. He started saying to me that in these 10 years, he was cut
off [1], he could not bear the pressure and
as a child - who was - it was not permitted to do anything that makes a child
of his age. When was excised and for 10 years he thrashed all, he did relations, he was coming out, he was sitting up late and he smoked a little. Also, because
the early years his parents
had flown him out of the house, he was staying with a
cousin - who also
was cut off - in a subterranean
apartment, and he did whatever job was found in order
to survive. After three years they took him again at home and so he was continuing to live with them, without giving them many rights. As long as we
were together, many times he was leaving his house because his parents were inviting
many brothers [2] for dining and - of
course – he could not be there. So whenever this was becoming, we was spending
all day together and then - when everybody was gone – they were calling him by
phone to turn. The situation
was tragic, then I
could not understand many things, because of course I did not aspect of their doctrine. The only thing I was seeing continuity it was that for as
long as we were together he was happy, was laughing and suddenly watched him to
fall into melancholy and I could not understand why he was reacting so. I could not figure out the – of supposedly - reminder which they did him every day, when he was returning home,
that sometime he must to see what
he will do. To point
out that his father was an Elder [3] and when Tassos left the Society, of course they
removed his privileges, something that did not like to his father because he lost
his chair in there.
The first two years, my relationship with his family was very good. They worshiped me and especially his mother. With his father I did not have many, because I do not you hide that from
the first moment I saw him and he looked at me, I saw the dirt and hypocrisy
that he was hiding in his gaze, and it does not need to be in the truth [4] to understand the dirt
of a man in his gaze. When you're on your own a net man, you understand it immediately. He also had a sister, who she had been married one thence into, her great love - as she was saying. At least she got someone who loved him, though - in general - the girl was
living and lives in her own world, “in her bubble”, as we say.
Well, with
all that, spent two years, then suddenly one
day he says that decided
to make the effort to join
again. This has meant that we had to split up, which of course both we did not want, because longer loved each other. I did not know anything in what concerned the
reintegration, namely that passes a period, in which is starting to watch
gatherings, he have to be typical and impeccable, so-called theatre as it was
evolved in the course from his side, because his reintegration lasted seven
months and then they accepted him back. So then I tell him that I want
to start a Bible study [5].
He did not want to put me in this process, in no way
wanted I make such a move, sole purpose to be together, because in my path will
was coming out otherwise ... Thus, he was seeing this always.
So I phoned in his cousin, who then and now that we talking was a sapper [6], and I started the study. I started going to church, in which was going his sister - while he and his
parents were in another church - not to give a goal - so on the first 4 months
that I was making study and he was making reintegration, we had normal sexual
relations. After I began to change, I began to have
the so called pangs in approaching God, i.e. that I dupe him and that all this
it will come out a boomerang to me, if I was continuing to dupe the world and
God alongside. So I tell him that
I do not want to sleep with you again, I want to
continue my study and he his reinstatement and if
you all goes well we discuss it later. Of course he did not
want to “lose the egg” but what could he do? He was seeing now that I had
started and I was learning everything about his religion, I began to judge him,
because I was seeing that he was not keeping anything from what he was saying
and he was going to the gatherings just to “counts hours”.
So, another year has passed and we arrived at 3 years.
Well, after a few months, I had begun the study and sometime they were
reintegrated him longer as an official member of the church, and here “they
started the organs”. His father often began to bring brides at home to pick his
son. Constantly was organizing tables in his house, from which they were
paraded whole the church. To emphasize
that the guy – i.e. his father - of
course and he did not wanted me for bride,
he was seeing that I had already been
evangelized [7], and I was getting ready for
my baptism. And then I understood this reason when by other brothers then I ascertained that
all these years
his father had done many things. One of
them was once, that he was accused of parallel relationship with a sister, who
he did her study. The whole issue received
enormous dimension and it came a Committee [8] from Bethel
[9] of Athens 3 in favor. Then of course, “in minimal time” as they say, the girl who “he was
taking handful”, took care to marry with the son of a family friend and so 'are
being covered up' the story. “Fickle” the father - as
we say - and all the years were many times when the secularists [10] they had seen him with other women, but the guy
had been operating a system, having “solutions” to everyone. During the discussion i.e. - between funny and
serious - he did the other one to reveal things he had done, which he will was
using these subsequently. If someone was coming to make recommendations in him, he was taking
care to remind in everyone theirs going astray. Thus, he had all of us “with envelope” and nobody went to “denounce” him in
the presbytery. So he could to move as it wished all the years there and he
continues until today...
And since when they started the dinners with the brides
and Tassos seemed to be uninvolved in all this, always was keeping a
communication with me, through his sister to know in what situation I am. So, in September, i.e. 3 years ago, I was baptized [11] now officially. At the day of my baptism had had a crisis, and watched
him in the video he did like a lion in the cage, he was about to burst. On that day, his family welcomed me within the circles of the Society - I
was their sister now - regardless of whether in the course, was soon made
evident the theater, which we all had played in recent months.
After two months and by waiting to see when he would tell me to we make acquaintance - based on what I was seeing and who almost everybody were waiting this to do - because everybody knew that longer I walked into the
Religion, I learn from a sister who phoned me the followings: "Because I have received much mockery in my life,
and I do not like see to mock good people like you, you must know that Tassos
makes acquaintance with
another woman." What to tell you how I felt? All I did then was to
send him a message and tell him that “I know everything, no
need to mock me some more.” He came immediately to my office, because we are close and told me
that - about - all these apply. “Ha, ha,
ha what ridiculous”, I say “about I
make an acquaintance, about I get married and about I have sex .... Go away and you do not
come back here”, I said, “we finished”. He began to cry and
was telling me that he put his logic and did his heart aside. I said “what logic since all are now tidy, nothing
prevents us to not be together. Go away”, I repeat, “and always remember whenever you see me that you will be the most
dishonest man I ever met. Remember this.” So, it became and he left ... Plus, I had take a
decision, I knew there was no way not to marry this acquaintance, simply
because he would not make a slip again to humiliate his family ... The
situation was finished.
After a few months where I had lost 8 kg I lost weight too,
I had to face my pain, my family which was
opposed to this
whole situation. Luckily my
friends - despite all the decisions and changes I had done - they
stood me up to the
end, but now I had started to arrive in the early stages of
depression. That One was continuing to make his acquaintance. Every
time when was finishing the assemblage and I was seeing him, the picture was
dramatic and one of us, only that we was not crying, and how I could understand
that his father had done all this. To point out that the new bride was a little girl 20 years old who had come
from Sitia, to Chania. She was 10 years younger than him and she had achieved in TEI, here in Chania. She was from
a divided family religiously, her mom and her sister were in the truth, and
moreover her mom had put them into the Society. Her father and brother were out
of them all, it was a poor family and mum was a cleaning lady. Then, when
I learned some things,
then I realized that all these did her mom with the father of Tassos,
because the woman believed that her daughter found the lottery of
her life, as long as Tassos was a highly sought after bridegroom due of beauty and of money. So - as you understand - his father wanted a girl not to knows, not to
understand and not to leave, if his son made “some dirt”. Where
to go after, this little girl penniless? So exactly was the mother of Tassos, when she married his
father, she had not “fate in the sun” and was tolerating the horns of her
husband all these years. Of course the little girl never finished TEI.
To note that the bride was not born in the truth. She had
get into the last two years and became immediately a sapper woman, so the whole
“packet” was than it should, i.e. Tassos to getting a woman with spiritual
level to help him in its path.
Now I was starting to fall apart. So, after all this
frustration, the hypocrisy, and the theater that I received from him and his
family, I decided to go to the presbyter of my church and tell him that all of
this I can not support it anymore. Actually, I started to wake up a little, but
one that woke me up and I realized how wretched are the most - not all -
because I met really and nice people, it was when the presbyter turned to me
and said, “that if you leave you'll never
be happy and that you will be miserable in the outside world”. This was! «Τhe switch came down ...». I said, a man who
leads a church said to me this thing, he who continuously was speaking only about love - as long as I was there - turned and said me those words!
So, I left slowly and subtly. I was not excised ever, until today They
consider me as an inactive [12] member.
During the first 6months they were bothering me for a little, but then the
calls were stopped. Naturally then, in August, Tassos married. Then, from a friendly couple to me, with which we are
known and they had an affinity, I learned that - as long as he did the
acquaintance - he was going and with other women to satisfy his carnal
pleasures, and continuity he was speaking about me and was crying who lost me.
The marriage became thus. After the wedding, his father took care to send him to the church
of Moshato (Attica ), where he is the last two years up to
now as we speak. Of
course he is not
working and his father feeds them. I learned that
he did all this to keep him away from
me after the wedding and to enable it to be alone with his wife to her become accustomed. What
can
you
say! A week ago became and the marriage of the children mentioned above – i.e. my friendly couple who told me about Tassos. At their
wedding I went and me. These are Orthodox Christians, but it was invited all
his family and he with his wife. We all they noticed, who had got up - in front
of the dance floor - and was standing and was looking at me with folded hands.
Every time
I see him in the last two years,
as was done a week ago, has always this look
of remorse and
pain. Still I feel -
whenever he sees me - he loves me. I feel
it because we experienced very strong moments, but
I understand and weakness
that is as man. You see, he grew up with this way∙ to fear God, to fear his thoughts, even
the air that breathes. A man who never paid a bill, who never worked, in whom
they had not been given responsibilities never. Nothing of all these. A pawn that never raised his head to live the life he
wanted, as he was saying to me. And what did he want? Freedom in his life, this
he wanted.
After the wedding - other day - I sent him a message
for the first time in two years, because I was feeling so. Always I was telling him how I feel, I did not care never
be wrinkled as a person. In matters of love always
I was listening my heart.
So I wrote to him, I understand that still he loves me, every time he sees me ∙ that there
was no reason not to be together
∙ I am not expecting anything, i.e. to split and come to
find me. Sometime will understand that all the prohibited and of religion, god will never imposed it in order not to be together. Of course he replied me that he still loves me, he apologized
because treated me so immature then - God,
what a stupid excuse - that never to feel the pangs he had felt for all what he did, and
he considered right for me and for him
to make this choice. Of
course he made the choice without ever to discuss it with me. Also he told me
that if I get back to the truth I will be happy that only there I will find the
happiness. I did not expect to
tell me something else, and he
told me the “classic
cassette” that all say,
and that it is no good for us to talk,
and that I don’t know what he went through to
get all these decisions.
So the
story ends here. I forgot to mention that when I left therefrom
into, I did four months psychotherapy and I managed to find again myself. A year ago I did a relationship that lasted for nine months,
but we broke up because he woke up one morning
and he thought that he does not know if he is ready for marriage, while for eight months “had reached out the frumenty on the table” and he was telling me about weddings and festivals.
In any event now for a year, I am on my own and I understood many of them all.
Certainly I learned what it would say love, but rather one-sided, as human being I broke my limits towards my family, to my friends, to myself. I risked all
to be with a man
who I thought he loved
me, for a man I would give
my life for him,
so I felt everything all about me.
But I also saw another world, a world who is misled,
really - such as says your book [13] -
better not ever wake up, let us continue to live in their error. For many therein brainwashing is great,
and is soaked up to the bone. Unfortunately I still have a couple of
girlfriends there, where they say me how they feel alone. Especially one woman of them could not bear and at the age of 35 years
she went with a man, and from her joy she had not where to say it and she
called me to the phone ... I’ve tried many times to talk to her, is listening to me, but is afraid. You see all her family is Jehovah's Witnesses, does not
have fate in the sun - as they say - and as she says it can not do anything,
just she is with one foot inside and the other outside.
How it hurts me all this, I wish I could talk to him, but I do not have the required knowledge and experience to make him understand, lest and wake up. On the other side I say that God knows what is doing, nothing is random,
everything is a cycle, all are spun, at least in my 33 years I have seen this,
those who they have hurt me they turned and they apologized from me. Their life
brought it so that at some point they realized what is hurting a man. Βλέπετε ο πόνος σε αλλάζει, είτε προς το καλύτερο είτε προς το
χειρότερο, αυτό όμως που δεν ξέρω τελικά ποιό είναι; To get married a man and try to love him as he did? He
who speaks for God's crisis, he does not know that God sees better than anyone
your heart and your motives? When the
time comes, what would you tell him? I left a girl who once
I loved her and I married another because my dad chose her? You live happy subsequently with such a choice?
Plus, the only thing I want is can love again, to find a
man to live this life. I'm tired seeing everyone approaching me just to have
good times. Luckily now I know to recognize such behaviors and do not I am entering
into procedures. I want a man to share feelings, moments and a family, a man
looking at me in the eyes and to see that he loves me.
Every night I pray for all
these, always I did it
and before I met him.
Prayer is my refuge, the most beautiful time of day, the hour I talk to him. Certainly you know that God has no labels, has not
discrimination, is only love, and I believe that he knows how to distribute
this love to everyone.
Thank you for reading. I hope my
story be an example to others....
FOOTNOTES
[1] be "cut off ": The Jehovah's Witness coming in “quarantine” (isolation) from the organization mainly for ethical reasons but also of teaching. Friends and his relatives did not shall address the
reason to him, unless it is necessary, as for example if they live in the same
house. Anyone JWs conversing with “cut off” repeatedly subject to sanctions.
[4] I am in the truth: Expression
using among the Jehovah's
Witnesses, to show they belong
in the organization.
[5] grafical
(biblical) study: the dialogical discussion that is conducting a Jehovah's Witness with
someone on issues surrounding
God and religion based
on some printed matter of the
Company and who to support
and prove the correctness of his arguments, invokes passages (pieces) of
the Bible.
[6] sapper woman - sapper: So is called Jehovah's Witness who is employed
exclusively to the promotion of the preaching of the Organization, not
occasionally as the others JWs.
[7] the evangelizing: The Jehovah's Witness who now has the possibility to preach the teachings of the Organization from door to door. Are divided into baptized and unbaptized.
[8] committee: When a Jehovah's Witness blamed or fallen into serious misconduct, in order to establish if this happens, being
interrogated by a judicial committee, which decides on his cut or not.
[9] Bethel Greece
[10] secularists: The Jehovah's Witnesses they call
all of us so, who are outside the Organization. Another endearing expression for us is “Philistines”.
[11] Baptism: The baptism of a
Jehovah's Witness has no
connection with ours. As indicate theirs
brochures are the conscious public declaration
of someone that would
dedicate his life entirely to the service and implement of the will of Jehovah - God (in fact of the Company “Watchtower”). Many Jehovah's Witnesses remain
unbaptized although they are in the organization for many years. One such case
is Onesimus - the columnist of “antiairetikos” - former JWs, who although born
from parents Jehovah's Witnesses was not baptized ever.
[12] inert: So is called the Jehovah's Witness who ceases to deal with the
organization and he not go to gatherings, nor goes to work of preaching from
door to door.
[13] your book: she means the book “Seeking the Truth” by Nikos Mavromagoulos,
a former Jehovah's Witness, which
describes his life in the
Organization. Nick Mavromagoulos is he - together with others - who
created the famous website OODE. As Elpida informed us, she sent the above
letter and to Nikos Mavromagoulos also.
by Elpida
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