Translated from the original by Chris Tsilikas
How Jehovah’s Witnesses imagine Armageddon
If a person who is not aware of the Society of Jehovah’s Witnesses “Watchtower” happens to open one of their leaflets, he/she will certainly be amazed by the way the Society deals with all spiritual issues. Because he/she will find out that they deal with them in a materialistic, garrulous way. Even God is not exempted from such attitude. For instance the Society takes all the anthropocentric expressions of the Holy Writ – that is, expressions that have human beings as their centre – literally, and as a result they are led to incredibly wrong, extraordinary conclusions which a lot of times reach the levels of comic...
That’s why, on the one hand, god is sometimes presented by the “Watchtower” as a simple creature with some supernatural powers, and on the other hand, his almighty is withdrawn and he is presented as a powerless creature that cannot give immediate solutions to human problems, and needs time to solve them.
All chapters of the publications and of the leaflets of the Society of Jehovah’s Witnesses are fraught with such descriptions which refer to the war of Armageddon or Harmagedon. A war every Jehovah’s Witness anywhere in the world lives and breathes for, since he/she is convinced by the Society that it is then that justice will be rendered, with the annihilation of the evil people, meaning the people who are not Jehovah’s Witnesses, and the survival of the good people, that is Jehovah’s Witnesses only.
Before we get to explaining what Armageddon is, we have to warn our benevolent readers that what they are going to read about will not only sound incredible, but they will also get to the levels of comic. However, this is not our fault. We just publish everything we managed to ‘fish’ from the leaflets of the “Watchtower”.
Anyway, this is what happens to anyone who doesn’t walk in life along with God’s Spirit and deals with everything in such a garrulous and materialistic way.
WHAT ARMAGEDDON IS AND WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN DURING IT
The word Armageddon derives from the Hebrew expression “Har-magedon” and it literally means the mountain of Megido. It is referred to in John’s Apocalypse, chapter 16, verse 16, “And he gathered them together into a place called in the Hebrew tongue Armageddon”.
Megiddo was a city of ancient Israel and it was the place where decisive and bloody fights took place. This is why this expression is metaphorically used to represent the fight between good and evil during the Day of Judgement.
Jehovah’s Witnesses however take this fight literally. They believe that canons, tanks, aircrafts, etc. will be used against Christ by the nations which according to the Society of the Witnesses are evil!
Yes, that’s right! We’re not pulling your leg! Remember we have warned you. Of course, even the “Watchtower” itself understands the implausibility and the ridicule of the whole situation they describe, so they try to calm things down by saying that due to the fact that human weapons cannot reach and hit Christ in Heaven, they will be turned against his followers down here on Earth, that is, Jehovah’s Witnesses.
But there’s a point where they do not even try to calm things down at all, but they speak literally, and this is about the way the attackers will be dealt with by Christ. The ridicule of the description in the “Watchtower” is more than enough: “Their tongues will rot out!... they will be blind!... sinewy warriors will lose their strength!... the electric systems of the high tech weapons will go bad and miss their targets!!!”
You wonder where you can read these entirely ridiculous things. Do we have to give an answer to that? In the official magazine of the Society, the “Watchtower”, of course. You can find all these mentioned above in the “Watchtower” of October 15th, 1975, pp. 637 and 638:
The “Watchtower” of October 15th, 1975, pp 637 & 638, The nations will attack Christ and their tongues will be rot out and high tech weapons will miss their targets!
And the freak of the war of Armageddon never ends. Wherever we, the non-Jehovah’s Witnesses want to hide, we’re for ever lost. Neither the mountains nor the caves, not even private submarines can save us! Jehovah will search every nook and cranny and he will find us – the “watchtower” has managed to turn him into a hound – to give us, according to the “Watchtower” what we desreve.
HE WILL SLAUGHTER US TO MAKE OUR BLOOD OOZE!
And what was our crime? We didn’t become Jehovah’s Witnesses! ‘Enjoy’ all the above in the “Watchtower” of November 1st, 1967, pp 659-660.
The “Watchtower” of November 1st, 1967, pp 659-660, Christ will find us even if we hide in submarines in order to slaughter us!
And listen to the contradiction now. While we will be suffering all these by Jehovah, the God of love: having become prey for wolves and wolverines after so much blood we will have lost, Jehovah’s Witnesses will survive in safe places, content not only because they were saved but also because of our slaughter! And such cruelty comes from people who are supposed to love us! And the cruelty becomes even bigger if one thinks that among the people who will be slaughtered, there will be parents, children, brothers and sisters, spouses, and other close relatives who were not lucky enough to be Jehovah’s Witnesses. Well, they should have been careful! Anyway, the “Watchtower” does not ask too much from its followers. Only to distribute its magazines “The Watchtower” and “Awake” and once you do this you will find salvation in Armageddon!
Well, up to now, you may have wondered how “The Watchtower” knows when exactly Armageddon will break out and moreover how it is possible for them to find the time to warn all Jehovah’s Witnesses that Armageddon is imminent. But as you can guess we have no answer. They will probably have cable or digital communication directly with God. Anyway, they must know better.
Due to the fact that the leaflets and magazines of the “Watchtower” are fraught with photographs depicting happy Jehovah’s Witnesses surviving Armageddon, we decided to present the one that is published more often. It’s from the “Watchtower” of February 15th, 2001, p 16:
The “Watchtower” of February 15th, 2001, p 16, Happy Jehovah’s Witnesses, survivors of Armageddon!
So, let’s say that Armageddon is over. Have all our problems finished? Not, at all. It’s now that they start. And the first and biggest problem is that of the corpses. As we all know every war has its victims. Especially during such a war which covers the whole Earth. So, there will be billions of dead bodies. What is going to happen? Jehovah’s Witnesses who have survived are not enough to bury them all. So, they run the risk of disease spread. An immediate solution must be found. And it is found indeed. You wonder what it is; but, ‘Deus ex machina’, of course.
According to the “Watchtower” of June 1st, 1973, pp 345-346, God will use…highly scientific means he has at his disposal, to clean the earth from the corpses! And we thought we had heard it all! But we had never heard of a Scientist God before.
The “Watchtower” of June 1st, 1973, pp 345-346, God will clean the earth from the dead corpses using…scientific means!
The next problem is the resurrection of the dead. Because according to the Holy Writ all the dead people from past years and centuries are going to resurrect. Therefore, there will be a problem of overpopulation on Earth since they need to stay somewhere as the “Watchtower” supports. How is this problem going to be solved? Don’t worry! The “Watchtower” who has a phone link directly with Jehovah has found the solution to that. The dead people will resurrect with…a priority number! Yes, that’s right. We’re not kidding. According to the “Watchtower” of April 15th, 1973, p 246, they won’t resurrect on a twenty-four-hour day, but gradually. Wait for your turn! You’ll all take Resurrection! There’s no need to urge and shove your way through the queue!
The “Watchtower” of April 15th, 1973, p 246, The dead people will resurrect gradually!
Yet, there is a point where the “Watchtower” disappoints Jehovah’s Witnesses. And this point is the issue of marriage. Unfortunately, the “Watchtower” of October 15th, 1967, p 638, points out that Jehovah’s Witnesses won’t be able to marry their old spouses again. But, due to fact that as we have said a lot of Jehovah’s Witnesses protested, the “Watchtower” let hopes arouse that something may be done since Jehovah is great and he is aware of the needs of his loyal servants. You see, they don’t want to lose their delivery boys because otherwise who is going to deliver the magazines “Watchtower” and “Awake” without being paid?
The “Watchtower” of October 15th, 1967, p 638, Resurrected Jehovah’s Witnesses won’t be able to get married to their old spouses again!
And now we get to more trivial problems to which, unfortunately, not even the “Watchtower” has the answers. Probably their phone link is out of order, who knows! Or they might have all the answers but they have thought that they should deliberately keep a few things as a secret so that there is a hint of suspense. Well, what do you think?
Of course, to be honest, the “Watchtower” says that they don’t have the answers because there is nothing written about these trivial problems in the Holy Writ. But the fact that Jehovah will clean all the dead bodies using scientific means is written in the Holy Writ, indeed. Where exactly is this written? In their imagination, of course, where else?
Let’s discuss now these trivial issues which will bother the survivors Jehovah’s Witnesses and the resurrected dead after Armageddon. First and foremost, we have to clarify that according to the “Watchtower” there will be total destruction and wilderness during Armageddon and no human creation will remain still on Earth. You won’t be able to communicate, because there will not be any telephones, there won’t be any airplanes and cars to move around, no…electrical appliances such as cookers and washing machines, no new clothes, no…hammers or…nails to build houses, nothing will be there as we know it today.
How can all these problems be solved? It’s very likely that Jehovah will use his scientific powers again and give a solution to these unsolved problems.
And as a last problem we have left something that will unfortunately disappoint the wine lovers all over the world. Unfortunately, after Armageddon there won’t be any spirits for consumption. So, hurry up! Drink as much as you can now, before Armageddon breaks out! And after that, you will stay sober for ever, with no alcohol at all. Not even a beer for the hot summer days.
The “Watchtower” of June 15th, 1973, pp 361 & 367, No planes, no electrical appliances, no nails and hammers, no spirits after Armageddon!!
And a piece of advice for our beloved Jehovah’s Witnesses: To play it safe, hide a bottle of beer somewhere, just for the difficult hot days awaiting you after Armageddon!
Writer Christos Pal